Sunday, November 21, 2010

Ohio Kat and the Temple of Food

Da, da duh-duh, da duh-duh
Da, da duh-duh, da duh-duh...

*cue our heroine striding bravely across the parking lot landscape and into the store her base of operations, (price) gun hanging from one hip and bullwhip boxcutter hanging from the other*

our heroine: *clocks in*
female sales associate: "Ohio Kat, thank God! Oh, Buckeye, it's terrible..."
Buckeye: *thrives on all that is terrible (or, at least, tends to perform better under pressure)* "Whatever is it, Alice?"
Alice: "Black times are coming, Buckeye. It's--" dun, dun, dun "--Black Friday in a few days."
Buckeye: "This could be serious. I'd better find the Zone Manager for Consumables."
the ZM: *speaks supply and demand fluently but once got lost in her own storeroom* "Buckeye, there you are. Black Friday is approaching and we haven't started setting up yet. The natives are growing nervous. This is a terrible omen."
Buckeye: "Sorry, boss, but ancient supply lines and hokey purchasing formulas don't-- Oh, no, wait. I save the Hana Solo shtick for when I'm rebelling against authority."
ZM: *rolls her eyes* "We have three crates of bananas unaccounted for."
Buckeye: "Crates. Why did it have to be crates..."
ZM: "We're counting on you, Buckeye. You need to travel into the wilderness and recover the crates or terrible hardships will befall the natives."
Buckeye: "I'm on it." *ventures into the wilderness*



 (and this is all just the food)

Buckeye: *never did find those damned crates, but still managed to be quite productive and prevent the famine*
the ZM: "Well done, Ohio Kat. Now beings your real challenge."
Buckeye: "Nazis? Communists? Thuggee cultists?"
the ZM: "Worse. It's time to start setting up for Black Friday."
Buckeye: "Dear God." *gulps* "The holy grail of retail shopping..."
the ZM: "It will take all of our cleverness and resolve to get out of this alive."

to be continued...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Have you hugged a vet today?

Today's Veterans Day in the United States and, whether you agree or disagree with any of the wars currently being fought in the world, let's all take a second to remember all the men and women who have, are, and will put their lives on hold to protect and defend the ideals they and their people hold dear. Freedom isn't free and all that good stuff as any soldier or friend/family member of a soldier will tell you.

So this is me saying a big THANK YOU to all the former soldiers, current soldiers, future soldiers, and family members who have, are, or will support them in their decision to make just about the biggest sacrifice a man or woman can make. Thank you all. You're always in my thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Lead us not into temptation

I recently got a job at a major mass-merchandise store which shall remain nameless in case I ever decide to use this space to complain about them (which, in fairness, seems unlike as I've been treated considerably worse by other stores I've worked for in the past; actually being thanked for doing my job and having it acknowledged when I go above and beyond is a new and gratifying experience). To date, my job has consisted almost entirely of freight (which is distinguished from simple stocking by the fact that the boxes are heavier) and my sister has commented that I'm likely to lose weight if I keep this up for much longer. Which sounds good to me. I used to pay a gym good money for less of a workout. However, that fails to take into account the fact that I am routinely asked to work in departments like these:
(candy)


(baked goods)


Losing weight may have to wait awhile...